If in an exam most of the students score 70 out of 100, and some guy scores 95, then 95 is a very good score. But if everyone scores 95, then 95 is just an average score. By definition, most of the people are average, ordinary, just like the others. Everyone cannot be special. If everyone is, then the word "special" makes no sense. But the ego of people makes them think that they are better than the others, that they're special. We like to be complimented by others, appreciated by others. Being praised makes us "happy".
Consider a guy, Mr. A. Lets say he tries something and does an average job of it. He asks Mr. B and Mr. C to judge his work. Mr. B gives an honest opinion, he says the work is mediocre, nothing great about it. Mr. C tries to be nice and says that the work is extraordinary, outstanding, wonderful, best ever and all that crap. Mr. A is happy with Mr. C and is offended by Mr. B. Being "happy" is said to be a wonderful thing, the ultimate goal of life. People think happiness is so important that "pursuit of happiness" was mentioned in the US declaration of independence.
In a society where most people are mediocre and yet expect others to appreciate their work, where happiness is one of the most important goals of life, is it better to be honest or to be nice? In the above example, it is very clear that Mr. B will make a lot of enemies just because he speaks the truth. That is what statistics say- too many mediocre people asking for opinions, and honest opinions are not appreciated. Another advantage of "being nice" is, from the above example, Mr. A will also "be nice" to Mr. C and praise Mr. C for his mediocre work later on, because Mr. C was nice to Mr. A. And so the world goes on, praising each other for their mediocre work.
I personally prefer being honest to being nice. That is one reason why I can't get along well with people unless they're good friends of mine. My friends know that I don't easily appreciate their work, but others do not know that about me. Every time I go to meet any of my relatives, my mom strictly warns me to "be nice". People who don't know me think that I am shy or arrogant or whatever else, but the thing is- I like to be peaceful. I don't want to get into arguments or offend anyone.
Whenever I talk, I piss people off because I prefer honesty to "being nice". Sometimes people say such stupid things that it becomes very hard for me not to point it out, and I just have to get away from there if I want to avoid offending or arguing with them. I don't mind a debate, I actually welcome one since it'd test my own reasoning. But the problem with these kind of arguments is that people get extremely personal and unreasonable. They go nuts, their statements contain no logic whatsoever. If you want to see what I mean, go to an acquaintance of yours and ask him/her why she believes in something (religion, some important ideal, favorite sportsman, etc..).
I didn't give serious thought to this whole "being nice" thing until about a week ago. First it was our hostel night. I was there, it sucked. My friends say the food was tasty, but otherwise, it was no good. But that night, and for the days to follow, the hostel's facebook page is filled with posts like "awesome hostel night", "best hostel night ever", "No hostel night is as good as ours" and stuff like that.And I just kept wondering, "Really? Did I miss something? What was so great about it?". Of course, the rules by Dean made it impossible to have hostel nights on the lines of those that we had a few years back, but still, our hostel night wasn't so good.
Then, I was putting enthu for Lit-Soc dramatics. Pampa was going to perform a play. We adapted a movie, practiced some 10 times and then performed. On stage, we totally fucked up. I walk out of CLT (the hall where the play was performed), thinking "That was a disaster, we seriously fucked this up... " but the rest of the cast come out and congratulate each other. They were all thinking we did an awesome job, we owned the stage, we mesmerized the audience. And then we celebrated. Everyone started praising everyone else. They believed we were going to win, or atleast get one award (there were special awards for best actor, director and set).
Pampa doesn't have a great tradition in these stuff like other BTech hostels do. The hostel night needed quite a bit of effort from the organizers. For our play, we had only a little practice and most of us never performed in a play. But still, we could have done a lot better on stage, and our rehearsals were better than our on-stage performance. Some of us were just not good enough. We put in some effort, and under the circumstances, we pulled something off. That was a good thing. But it was in no way "the best ever" or "worth winning awards". No, we sucked. It took me a great deal of restraint to not say it out loud after our performance- they were all happy and celebrating, I didn't want to offend them there. I choose to remain silent, as I most often do.
I do accept that it is good to "be nice" to others, it helps build better social relations. It keeps a positive spirit among people, it encourages them to go on. But at what cost? It seems that it is just too hard now for people to accept that they are not good, that they fucked up. People are so used to being nice and hearing good things that criticism is just unacceptable to them. If anyone ever offers an honest opinion, that person is labeled as rude and arrogant. I have just one thing to say here- If you are not open for honest criticism, don't ask for an opinion.
Every time people realize they screwed up, they just blame others or their circumstances for it. I once read an article on the notice board of a prof, about self-pity. How it could be the worst enemy of a man. Instead of accepting a mistake and trying to correct it, people just pity themselves for the situation that made them screw things up. If being happy is all you want in life, then self-pity and "being nice" are very appealing. But if you have a serious goal in mind, then this whole "being nice" business would do you no good. How can you ever know how much more you need to work if you are always told that you're awesome just the way you are?
Consider a guy, Mr. A. Lets say he tries something and does an average job of it. He asks Mr. B and Mr. C to judge his work. Mr. B gives an honest opinion, he says the work is mediocre, nothing great about it. Mr. C tries to be nice and says that the work is extraordinary, outstanding, wonderful, best ever and all that crap. Mr. A is happy with Mr. C and is offended by Mr. B. Being "happy" is said to be a wonderful thing, the ultimate goal of life. People think happiness is so important that "pursuit of happiness" was mentioned in the US declaration of independence.
In a society where most people are mediocre and yet expect others to appreciate their work, where happiness is one of the most important goals of life, is it better to be honest or to be nice? In the above example, it is very clear that Mr. B will make a lot of enemies just because he speaks the truth. That is what statistics say- too many mediocre people asking for opinions, and honest opinions are not appreciated. Another advantage of "being nice" is, from the above example, Mr. A will also "be nice" to Mr. C and praise Mr. C for his mediocre work later on, because Mr. C was nice to Mr. A. And so the world goes on, praising each other for their mediocre work.
I personally prefer being honest to being nice. That is one reason why I can't get along well with people unless they're good friends of mine. My friends know that I don't easily appreciate their work, but others do not know that about me. Every time I go to meet any of my relatives, my mom strictly warns me to "be nice". People who don't know me think that I am shy or arrogant or whatever else, but the thing is- I like to be peaceful. I don't want to get into arguments or offend anyone.
Whenever I talk, I piss people off because I prefer honesty to "being nice". Sometimes people say such stupid things that it becomes very hard for me not to point it out, and I just have to get away from there if I want to avoid offending or arguing with them. I don't mind a debate, I actually welcome one since it'd test my own reasoning. But the problem with these kind of arguments is that people get extremely personal and unreasonable. They go nuts, their statements contain no logic whatsoever. If you want to see what I mean, go to an acquaintance of yours and ask him/her why she believes in something (religion, some important ideal, favorite sportsman, etc..).
I didn't give serious thought to this whole "being nice" thing until about a week ago. First it was our hostel night. I was there, it sucked. My friends say the food was tasty, but otherwise, it was no good. But that night, and for the days to follow, the hostel's facebook page is filled with posts like "awesome hostel night", "best hostel night ever", "No hostel night is as good as ours" and stuff like that.And I just kept wondering, "Really? Did I miss something? What was so great about it?". Of course, the rules by Dean made it impossible to have hostel nights on the lines of those that we had a few years back, but still, our hostel night wasn't so good.
Then, I was putting enthu for Lit-Soc dramatics. Pampa was going to perform a play. We adapted a movie, practiced some 10 times and then performed. On stage, we totally fucked up. I walk out of CLT (the hall where the play was performed), thinking "That was a disaster, we seriously fucked this up... " but the rest of the cast come out and congratulate each other. They were all thinking we did an awesome job, we owned the stage, we mesmerized the audience. And then we celebrated. Everyone started praising everyone else. They believed we were going to win, or atleast get one award (there were special awards for best actor, director and set).
Pampa doesn't have a great tradition in these stuff like other BTech hostels do. The hostel night needed quite a bit of effort from the organizers. For our play, we had only a little practice and most of us never performed in a play. But still, we could have done a lot better on stage, and our rehearsals were better than our on-stage performance. Some of us were just not good enough. We put in some effort, and under the circumstances, we pulled something off. That was a good thing. But it was in no way "the best ever" or "worth winning awards". No, we sucked. It took me a great deal of restraint to not say it out loud after our performance- they were all happy and celebrating, I didn't want to offend them there. I choose to remain silent, as I most often do.
I do accept that it is good to "be nice" to others, it helps build better social relations. It keeps a positive spirit among people, it encourages them to go on. But at what cost? It seems that it is just too hard now for people to accept that they are not good, that they fucked up. People are so used to being nice and hearing good things that criticism is just unacceptable to them. If anyone ever offers an honest opinion, that person is labeled as rude and arrogant. I have just one thing to say here- If you are not open for honest criticism, don't ask for an opinion.
Every time people realize they screwed up, they just blame others or their circumstances for it. I once read an article on the notice board of a prof, about self-pity. How it could be the worst enemy of a man. Instead of accepting a mistake and trying to correct it, people just pity themselves for the situation that made them screw things up. If being happy is all you want in life, then self-pity and "being nice" are very appealing. But if you have a serious goal in mind, then this whole "being nice" business would do you no good. How can you ever know how much more you need to work if you are always told that you're awesome just the way you are?
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